Delayed Gratification and New Goals

By Michelle Tucker ©2010 Michelle Tucker

     If only our children and students understood the value of waiting for something good.  Delayed gratification doesn't happen overnight though.  Children need to be exposed at increasing doses of delayed gratification.  Eventually, they will start thinking in terms of goals, that they have.
     When a child is still young and immature, you need to train him in concrete ways.  "No, you cannot have the cookie until you eat the dinner on your plate."  Next, have her wait to do, what she wants to do.  "When you finish your chore of sweeping the floor, you may go out and play."
     As they get older, you add chores and tasks and you start helping them to set goals.  "What do you want to do with your earned free time today?"  "Oh, play the Wii.  Then, 20 minutes of practicing the trumpet, and you will have earned 20 minutes on the Wii."  "What do you want to accomplish on your day off today?"  He says that he wants to finish a superhero book.  "Okay, you want to finish a superhero book, first you need to unload the dishwasher, then you may."  When you ask them what they would like to do, they start taking ownership of the goal.  Then, when you next ask them what they want to accomplish, the goals start becoming more constructive.
     When your child or student is ready, ask him to think of academic goals.  "What is your goal(s) as a student this quarter?"   (I've had students in Middle School who were still writing goals of get a passing grade in so and so subject.)  Eventually, you want them to set goals in each area, each subject and activity.  You need to help them at first with the process of delayed gratification.  Let's take playing the trumpet.  "Sharon, what is your goal in playing the trumpet?"  She responds.  "You want to make it on the Jazz Band, okay. What do you need to improve in playing the trumpet?"  She tells you or you can guide her in identifying her strengths and weaknesses in playing the trumpet now.  "Let's pick two of those weaknesses.  If you practice your scales to hit the high G, and you do breathing exercises to hold notes longer, do you think you will have a better chance at your try out for Jazz Band?"  "Okay, so let's write these goals down."  Then, have her look at her goal that she wrote down every so often.  She needs to be reminded of her goal for the motivation to practice when the practice gets tough.
     Children who are trained and expected to show delayed gratification, are more successful students and later adults.  Think about your goals for your child or student.  What can you do today to recognize where he or she is at with delayed gratification and to set  him or her up for success?